Stronger Together: Ashley’s Story of Hope
Hello Bellis Community,
In our effort to continue to emphasize the impact of the Bellis Stronger Together programming, we asked Ashley, one of our participants for the last two years, if she would share her experiences with our community.
I asked Ashley to share her story because it mirrors many of the stories from the women who Bellis support daily. It also highlights the fact that none of these circumstances occur in a vacuum. There is a long, often traumatic narrative that leads to a termination of parental rights (TPR) or transfer of legal custody (TLC) that is filled with lack of support, lack of resources, and lack of knowledge about a woefully complex legal system.
Watching Ashley grow in her confidence and resilience, surrounded by women who “get it” has been astounding. She is not held back by her past and uses it as an impetus to continue to move forward, no matter how slow or rocky it becomes, because we all know that progress is not linear. Knowing that Ashley relies on the tools and support she receives from Bellis to keep her on her path is incredibly motivating to the work we do.
My name is Ashley.
I had my son at age 18 and my daughter a year and a half later. I've struggled with addiction since I was young, but after meeting my kids' dad, I tried hard drugs for the first time.
Our relationship quickly became very toxic and abusive. I had little to no support from either side of our families.
The cycle of drug use and toxicity continued for a few years. As my children started getting older, my desire to get clean for them grew as well. In 2017, I told the father of my kids that we need to stop using drugs and get counseling for our relationship. I also reached out for help from his mother. I told her how bad things were but received no more than a shrug really. After that, the drug use, cheating, and abuse stopped for a month or so, but then it picked up again.
I finally stood up for myself and my kids by ending the relationship with their dad. It was a very ugly separation.
I remember him asking, "Well what are we going to do about the kids if we separate?" I replied, "What most adults do in this situation, file for joint custody." His response was, "There's no way I'm only seeing my kids half of the time."
We were living together so when I left him, he kicked me out. I had nowhere to go but 40 minutes away from my kids and my job to stay with my cousin. I didn't bring my kids with me because I honestly believed I was looking out for their best interest. I didn't want to uproot them from their home, school or daycare. Over the next few months, I only communicated with my children’s grandma concerning the kids, but it was nearly impossible to get her to let me see them.
I was so lost, hurt, and confused.
I felt so alone and was away from my kids for the longest I ever had been before. The pain was unbearable, and I dived deeper into my addictions.
In 2018, I was served papers saying that my kids' grandmother was taking me to court for custody of my kids. The things she said about me in those papers were horrifying and most of it wasn't true. It was really hard to read. I also had no legal help whatsoever which has made this entire process much more difficult to manage and understand. The day of court, I went to the county courthouse of where my kids lived only to find out that the court hearing was in the county where my kids' grandma lived. I missed the hearing and therefore by default, she was granted custody.
It has been a long battle of trying to get clean and back on my feet after being homeless and living out of my car. I got into legal trouble due to my addictions, was in and out of jail, and went to treatment a total of four times. I did well for a while and then slipped up again after going back to my kids' dad to hopefully get back to my kids. It took a long time to realize we just can't be together if he's not going to be sober.
Finally in 2022, I made the decision to go to the Minnesota Adult and Teen Challenge long term inpatient program and while there,
I was introduced to the Bellis Stronger Together support group. It changed my life.
I have now been sober for over 2 and a half years. I still haven't been able to see my kids, it's been 5 years since we last spoke. Without the support and love from the incredible facilitators and brave participants of Bellis, I honestly don't know if I'd be able to continue on my path of recovery.
It is so hard not being able to have a relationship with my children, especially when I'm sober and doing all the things I'm supposed to be. The groups and retreats have been instrumental in keeping me on track. I moved away from the cities so I can't attend the in-person meetings anymore, but I have attended the last 2 weekend retreats and am looking forward to being able to just hop online to attend their virtual groups when I feel like I need the extra support.
Now I know for sure, I am not alone. Being able to connect with other women in similar situations has given me hope, strength, and encouragement that otherwise I wouldn't know where to find.
Thank you for listening to my story and thank you from the bottom of my heart for all that you do to make this organization possible. It absolutely is true that together we are stronger!
Please enjoy the following poem written by Ashley during her first weekend retreat:
It’s called bliss…
I pray I never forget this.
These sights, this place.
These smells, these tastes.
This feeling, the sounds.
These women all around.
An atmosphere filled with love & also pain.
Sharing our stories, how we overcame.
The battles we’re still in,
fighting to win.
Learning we’re not alone.
We don’t have to do this on our own.
Allowing our hearts to open, heal & transform.
As together we weather the storm.
Experiencing joy and gratitude
as the weekend concludes.
I’m forever saving,
the memories made in this safe haven. Together we are Stronger.
And together we will conquer.
—Ashley M.
To continue supporting Ashley and the thousands of women like her, please donate today. Your contribution is vital to their healing and empowerment. Thank you.
This message is approved by Executive Director, Kelly Tronstad.
