Stronger Together: Justine’s Story of Healing
Hello Bellis Community,
Today we come to you with a final story this year from one of many Bellis participants. Justine found us all the way from California. Her story reminds me that no matter how much one may try and replicate a life that came before, there is no way to fill the gaping hole from the loss they have endured. The shame and isolation felt from having to hide one’s story or create the life they think will make them “fit in” eventually becomes overwhelming. We can only bury our authentic selves for so long.
We often talk in group about how not everyone is worthy of hearing your story – not everyone will hold it with the grace and compassion that it deserves. Finding a place that will do just this, and welcome you without judgement, has been elusive for our participants, until they found Bellis. May we all can find at least one place where we can be accepted for who and where we are, with room to grow and heal, in community with others who “get it”.
My name is Justine and I live in California.
Before finding Bellis, I spent 11 years feeling isolated and alone – knowing that a couple of very poor decisions from years prior would never allow me to find happiness again, no matter how long I remained clean and back on the right track in life.
In 2010, following a few months of poor decisions, I had my 3 children removed from my care. Unfortunately, due to the circumstances surrounding their father’s choices, I was told I didn’t have the chance of getting them back even if I chose to follow a “plan”. I was young, only 20, and didn’t have support from any family or friends, so I just gave up, thinking the kids would be better off. If the government authorities are telling me there isn’t a chance, why would I try?
I found myself pregnant in 2014, so I got clean and started parenting again. I got married, and we were raising a beautiful little girl in a stable, loving environment, but something still felt like it was missing. I researched help for birth parents (moms) in my area and yielded zero resources. I then researched adoption resources in my area, and it yielded 1 result, a support group for birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees. That triad immediately turned me off because I wasn’t ready for it at the time.
I stopped looking for support for many years, just assuming I was just going to always have to push through these feelings; like it was punishment for the poor decisions I had made.
I felt that I must be an awful person and deserve this if I’m searching and there are no resources.
But I kept looking. I found an organization that held support groups for birth moms in 2019. I went to a couple of their support groups, but I never felt like I belonged. They had all “chosen” adoption, none of them had their rights terminated. I felt so let down and low…
I searched again for support in 2021 and found Bellis. My life hasn’t been the same since.
From my first phone call with facilitator, Kjersta, telling me about the groups and getting me set up to receive weekly emails, to my first in-person weekend retreat this past September, every single interaction I’ve had with Bellis has healed me in some way.
Throughout the past three years, I’ve attended more Bellis groups than I can count. I try to get connected to one group a week, but with the change to 4 online groups a week, I’ve been able to get to 2-3. Each of the facilitators that run the groups are always so attentive, understanding, and make groups run smoothly.
I couldn’t honestly tell you what I was expecting when I searched out support groups for myself. But what I can tell you is Bellis has been everything and more. The friendships I’ve gained whether through online groups or the retreat are ones I’ll never take for granted.
It’s such an indescribable feeling to know that I can be myself for an hour and everyone meets you where you are. I’m truly grateful for Bellis!
To continue supporting Justine and the thousands of women like her, please donate today. Your contribution is vital to their healing and empowerment. Thank you.
This message is approved by Executive Director, Kelly Tronstad.
